Parenting is by far the most difficult challenge that I have ever (and likely, will ever) face. And as we have more children, it just keeps getting more challenging. Don't get me wrong, it is totally worth it. I love my children dearly and I wouldn't trade them, or the experience of being their mother, for anything. But it is hard. One of the hardest parts for Danny and I thus far has been learning how to properly parent each child. With each child we have, we have to learn how to parent all over again. We have to custom fit our parenting methods to each specific child. And it is hard work.
If you have children, you too know how incredibly different each one of them is. It is amazing how children raised in the same home, by the same parents, products of the same gene pool, can be so drastically different from one another. But they most certainly are. Owen, our 4-year-old, is very intelligent, very rational, VERY strong-willed and quite the perfectionist. But he is a wonderful leader, extremely thoughtful and insightful, very responsible and almost always an excellent helper. Ellie, our two-year-old, is a silly, cheerful little goofball who is very laid back, affectionate and creative, singing and dancing her way through life. She however, has a virtually non-existent attention span and is a tiny walking tornado, leaving messes wherever she goes. Annabelle, while only 8 months old, is already staking her claim as our "easiest" child. She is always happy. She is the quietest, sweetest, happiest baby I have EVER seen. Thank you Jesus! I am sure her personality will continue to unfold as she grows, but I am also certain that she will be her own unique little person, one that is entirely different from her siblings.
Because each of our children is so different from the others, we have to parent each one differently. At first, we struggled with feelings of fairness and equality, feeling we should treat them exactly the same. But then we realized, it isn't fair to treat them exactly the same because they are so very different. The best thing is to love them the same, but parent them differently. Now, for the most part, our children have the same rules, but when it comes to responsibilities and consequences, they differ greatly. Just as we have differing expectations for our children based on their age, we should have differing expectations based on their personalities, their talents, their strengths. God created each of us uniquely, with special, specific gifts and we need to nurture those God-given gifts in each of our children.
That is one of prayers for my children. That I, as their mother, would recognize the gifts, talents, strengths and other intricate details that God so carefully crafted in them, and that I would I encourage them to be exactly who God created them to be. Not comparing them to one another, not holding them to the same standards as their siblings, not trying to break their spirit or create new passions that never existed in them. They need to be played with differently, spoken to differently, encouraged differently, punished differently, given affection differently. Figure out how each one needs to be parented. corrected. loved. and then do it!
Every child is fearfully and wonderfully made, having each of their days ordained before even one of them came to be! It is God's job to make my children into who He wants them to be, crafting them with talents that He can use for His purposes. It is my job to help them realize who, and whose, they truly are. And with each child, my job changes. It evolves. It gets harder. But it gets better. I get to discover all over again who this little person is that God entrusted to me. As and I figure out who they are, I begin learning what they need, and I parent them accordingly. A custom fit for each child.
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